Macgruber T-Shirt: No Guns

Listen up, you piece of shit! We’ve only got fifteen seconds before this whole conversation goes BOOM, and frankly, there isn't time to explain why your wardrobe is a national security threat. You’re walking around in a generic blank t-shirt like some kind of desk-jockey while the world is literally screaming for a hero! You could literally be wearing this Macgruber T-shirt while you are ripping throats so let's just see what happens (we're definitely not winging it).

Look at this. LOOK AT IT! This isn’t just a t-shirt. It's a one-of-a-kind Macgruber T-shirt. This is a high-stakes tactical garment. If Dieter von Cunth sees you in this, he’s gonna think twice before trying to cause trouble. The fabric is so light, you can execute a perfect roundhouse kick without any chafing. NONE! Now pick a color and size and let's go rip some throats.

*Okay, now, piece of advice. When you use the old celery trick, you're gonna wanna go with the thick end. Seems counter-intuitive, but if you go thin end first, it just slides right out and you're... You're wasting your time.